tmcgo510's Blog

The Boys Are Back!

tmcgo510 — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 01:33:17 +0000

So, I just thought I would share this story on my blog. I was recently contacted by a journalist, Kristin Kalning, from the Today.com website who was writing a post about men seeking childcare work due to hard economic times. She and I had a phone interview for almost an hour and after that, she included me in the article she posted. If you read the article, it is me in the picture with two kids I currently work with. I don’t know if I really agree with the term “manny” though. Actually, I don’t know if I even really agree with the term “babysitter” either. I actually like the term “childcare worker” best but what can you do? Most of the children I work with aren’t “babies” so I think I am justified by not wanting to be called that, but it is what it is. Anyway, enough from me! Click the link below and read on!

More men seeking ’manny’ work due to lousy economy.

Filed under: General Happenings Tagged: babysitter, Childcare, kristin kalning, manny, Today Moms, today show

Would You Change Your Perspective..?

tmcgo510 — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 07:11:04 +0000

Surrender: to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion….

Over the past year or so I have had the amazing opportunity to witness something I once had negative thoughts about. Sometimes we as people find it increasingly difficult to change our way of thinking. When we were children, the world seemed perfect. We saw things from that child like perspective that makes it seem like there are no wrongs in the world. As we got older, we find that we become settled in our ways and even after that, we become sullen and stubborn. When we reach this point, it’s over. This leaves room for prejudices to settle into place. The amazing thing to me is it takes so long to develop an opinion, but only a split second for us to change our views or perspectives on things if we have some life changing experience. For the purpose of this post, we will call this a “moment of surrender”. I defined the word surrender at the beginning of the post as “to give (oneself) up to some influence, course, emotion…” and of course, like most words, this is not the only definition to describe this word’s meaning. This definition best fits my chosen topic to post about.

My wife and I have discussed the idea of adoption for quite sometime now, even before we were married. I think that adoption, if done with the right intentions, is one of the biggest blessings a person can give to another. Unfortunately, some kids go through their entire lives without ever feeling a sense of belonging to a family. Adoption gives those kids a second chance at a completely new beginning. Now that I have gotten my initial feelings out of the way, let me dive into the real reason for this post.

In December of 2010, I had the opportunity to come into contact with two kids who had been adopted by a family in Minnesota. The adoptive family had taken custody of both children when they were at a very young age. Now, the children, both of which are boys, are 7 and 10 years old. This, you may think, sounds like a typical adoption, but here is where the difference comes in. Instead of a mother and father adopting two children, this family has two fathers instead.

That’s right, the adoptive parents are homosexual.

Now, before causing mass chaos and controversy over this post, please continue on reading with an open mind. Every person has their own opinion and everyone thinks their opinion is better than everyone else’s.

Before this time, I would have given the typical Christian southerner’s argument about how homosexuals shouldn’t be allowed to adopt children and how I feel that what they are doing is wrong. I would have told you that those kids do not deserve the ridicule that they would most certainly go through due to having two fathers. I was stuck in that way of thinking and I still have negative feelings towards the whole issue of homosexuality in general. Notice, however, that throughout this post I still use the terms parents and fathers. Just because they are both men does not mean they should be robbed of those endearing terms society uses to describe the family unit. They are still parents to those kids they have adopted.

With that being said, I can officially say that after almost a year, my thoughts have slowly changed on homosexuals adopting kids. Upon first meeting this family, I was in shock. It is hard to come to grips with the thought two homosexual men adopting children. Part of these feelings come from how I was raised. Let’s face it, most stereotypes come from the society that a person is raised in. Unfortunately, the stereotype that was first brought up in my mind is the idea that every homosexual is a child molester. This, of course, is NOT true, but my mind had to overcome that thought. That is an unfair assumption that is made all too often. Also, as a Christian, I would be in the wrong to judge someone for what they do, especially since I am far from being a saint.

Fortunately for me, I did not flee from that whole situation. I gave knowing this unusual family a chance. To be honest, I am not exactly sure why, but I didn’t push this family away as I am sure so many people have. After getting to know this family, I have found that they have slowly but surely changed my perspective on homosexual adoption.

Let me paint a picture for you. When you walk into their home, you get the impression that the house belongs to a normal family who happens to have two children. The decor doesn’t scream “GAY” as I am sure some people would assume. The only thing that gives it away is that if you look in the family pictures, instead of seeing a father and mother, you see two fathers. This was the start of my change of thinking. This started playing on my mind, feeding me the idea that seemed to say, “What if this family is actually quite normal?”

What does “normal” really mean anyway. The dictionary defines it as:

1. conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural.

2. serving to establish a standard.

I do not agree with the dictionary on this definition because the word normal is relative, not absolute. When something is considered “normal”, is it really “the standard”? Something that seems normal to me, a southerner raised in Alabama, most certainly may not seem normal to someone who was raised out west in California or up north in New York. That is why I say that something that is normal is only relative to its environment or external conditions that affect it. My idea of normal “relates” strictly to the environment I was raised in.

So, to these two adopted boys, two fathers is what is “normal” for them. A father and mother is what is “normal” to me. For some kids, having a single parent is “normal” for them. After pointing that out, normal isn’t ever really “normal” is it?

After getting to know this family, I can honestly say that I don’t know of a better family for those two children to be placed with. The “father’s” are very well educated with great careers. The kids do not want for anything. They have their needs provided for and never lack any necessities. The biggest thing I noticed, out of all the things these parents give their adopted children, is that they give them love. That is one of the key ingredients in raising a child. From all the things I have seen, they love these children just as a biological parent would love their own children. In my mind, I have come to the conclusion that if these kids are given everything they need and are not bounced around from house to house, then this adoption was the best thing that could have ever happened to the children. In a way, these kids have been given a second chance at a life that their own parents could not even give them. Those kids, and many like them, should never have to “get used to” living with a different family every couple of weeks or months. That should never become the “normal thing” for them. A child deserves a childhood with stability, love, and support. That is exactly what these two boys have been given.

I got the opportunity to hear the children’s adoption story last night, and it was moving to say the least. After hearing all that those children have been through, it makes me appreciate their parents even more.

I would venture to guess that many people who might read this post will not necessarily agree with my stance on this subject. Honestly, I don’t really care. If we cannot look past people’s sexual orientation and see the good that they do for others, then we are the ones with the problem. By posting this I am not saying I agree with or condone homosexuality. I will, however, say that these two men are extremely brave for their decision to raise two boys in the world we live in. They don’t let fear hinder them from living their lives. They still get out and stay active with their two kids, just like “normal” parents do. I’m not attempting to change your mind on homosexuality because frankly, my mind cannot be changed either. I am simply asking people to open their minds a little bit and accept people for who they are without judging them for choices they have made, whether good or bad. That’s what Jesus would want us to do….

Travis

Filed under: Parenting Tagged: adoption, children, fathers, foster care

Oh, The Frustration!

tmcgo510 — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 20:30:08 +0000

Today, unofficially, I found out that I did not get the job that I interviewed for last week. I drove 4 hours one way to get to Orange Beach to interview for a job at their fire department. I was on time and dressed for success. When I arrived I found out that one of the people on the interview panel had not arrived yet. I was asked to wait and so I did. When I went in for the interview I felt as if it went great. I had a good answer to every question asked of me and I felt like I connected with the interview committee. After leaving I felt confident that I stood a good chance at getting the job. When I did not receive a call from them I attempted to make contact with them to see what the status of my application was. I basically got the run around each time I attempted to make contact with the interviewers. Finally, today I heard through the grapevine that anyone who had not been called by the end of last week had not been selected. I was appalled. I was not angry because I did not get the job. I was angry because of the time they wasted in getting word around to people who did not make the cut. I did my part. I drove 4 hours one way to get there. I showed up well dressed/groomed and early for my interview. I had to wait on them because they were running late. Then, to top it off they could not respectfully give me an answer. I have spent the last week worrying myself to death when they could have told me something. I feel cheated because I did my part and they did not do their part. In my opinion their actions are pretty crappy. If I am expected to uphold my end then they should at least have the decency to show someone a common courtesy by letting them know ASAP about the condition of their application. I felt as if they only opened the job to the public because it was mandatory for them to do so. I felt as if they already had who they wanted picked. I want to know why they bothered wasting my valuable time and gas money if I did not have a snowball’s chance in hell at getting that job.

I will say that the news does however come as a bit of a relief. At least I can finally move on instead of me sitting around wondering if I got the job or not. I can finally breathe easier knowing some information as opposed to none! I expected more out of a department such as that. I thought they were upstanding people, but apparently nobody gives people any common courtesy these days. Thanks for the waste of my time….I really do appreciate it….

Filed under: Firefighting, General Happenings, Work Tagged: Jobs

A moment in time…lost forever

tmcgo510 — Wed, 22 Jun 2011 13:38:46 +0000

The birth of my friend’s child did not work out so well for me, just as I suspected it wouldn’t. I know I sound selfish, but hear me out before you pass judgement. I had been at the hospital since 0700 and had been sitting in the waiting room since then. When the news broke that the baby was born I got excited, however, I never once forgot my place. While family members dashed out of the waiting room on their way to the labor and delivery room, myself and another family friend remained seated. Countless members of the family got to enter the room and lay eyes on the precious newborn child as I took time to wait my turn. That was what I had been waiting for the entire day. One chance to look upon this new family addition with my own eyes and one chance to hold him just after his birth. After a long period of time a few of the family members came and got myself and the other family friend and told us we were about to be able to enter the room. We walked down the hall and stopped just outside the locked doors which lead to the labor and delivery rooms. We waited for a sign, a cue telling us to enter, but nothing came. As the minutes passed my irritation grew. This is to be expected after sitting for HOURS on end in the waiting room patiently awaiting my turn to see him. As if it couldn’t get any worse, I looked down the hall just in time to see the child’s father and a nurse carrying the baby. They had come out of the room and were taking the child to the nursery. My heart sank. At this moment I became livid. I had sat and waited all day for that one chance and I never even got the opportunity to share that special moment with the newborn little baby. While everyone else got their chance to see him in person, I received two pictures on my cell phone while sitting in the waiting room. I never got that special one on one moment. At that point it was best I didn’t say anything to anybody. I was angry and most of all, I was hurt. I felt shafted, just as I figured I might be. Part of me wanted to turn around and walk to my truck to leave. Had it not been for the baby’s father, who is my good friend, I would have left. I just didn’t have it inside of me to leave him hanging. I quietly followed the rest of the family to the nursery window where I got to observe the baby boy for the first time in person…..through glass. Needless to say, this was both disheartening and disappointing. I waited by the glass until family members walked away, inching closer and closer to the baby until I was directly across from him. Even through the anger and disappointment I was feeling, I still felt as if he was one of the most beautiful children that I had ever laid eyes on. Through the anger I still felt honored to be a part of that special day. His father was standing behind me at this point. We made small talk as we watched his new born baby pee all over the nursery bed. After a little while he said he was going back to be with his wife and if I wanted, I could come. I declined for the moment and stated I still wanted to watch the baby. He walked away as I stood for minutes, which seemed to melt into hours as I watched this little miracle wiggle about. Fighting back tears and the flood of emotions I was feeling, I watched him with a smile. After several minutes I received a message on my phone from the child’s father. He was telling me that if I wanted to I could come to the room. I replied, “I’ll be there in a bit.” I continued to watch the baby boy a little while longer, then I slowly turned and walked towards the labor and delivery room. With all these emotions I was already feeling, I began to wonder what was so pressing that he wanted me in the room for. Did he see the expressions of hurt on my face? Was he aware of how I felt due to being left out? When I made it to the room I sat down and he began to tell me what had happened to my lost moment. He began to explain what had occurred that had caused me to miss out on what I have been looking forward to for months. He said he had cleared the room out so that myself and the other friend would have our opportunity to meet the baby. The nurses basically turned everyone who hadn’t seen the baby away stating, “There are too many people in the room.” This was not the case because there was nobody left in the room which had been purposefully cleared so I could have my time. I acknowledged the statement, but honestly it didn’t make me feel any better. From this point I sat in the room and talked to the parents until finally, after a long time the nurse came in with the little baby. I was excited to say the least. I was handed the baby first and I also got to be the first person ever to feed him. As I watched the baby eat from his bottle I soaked in every moment as if I would never get another chance to hold him again. Nobody was going to steal this moment from me. Eventually the baby was passed around to the other friends who had not gotten the opportunity to hold him yet, and then the family arrived again after going to get a bite to eat. This proved to be too much for me. It was at this point, as much as I did not want to leave, I made myself say goodbye. I couldn’t be around so many people that I guess I blamed for the theft of my special moment. If there had not been so many people storming the labor and delivery doors like a mob, would I have gotten my special moment? I said goodbye and headed home.

Even after holding and feeding the baby I still feel a small amount of emptiness about the whole situation. I know that the special moment I anticipated, viewing the baby just after birth, is now lost, forever. I will never get the opportunity to relive that moment and I do not know if I will completely get over it. I anxiously awaited his arrival, all just to look at him behind glass windows. That space in between us seemed like the largest distance in the world. I feel cheated and in my opinion I think I have that right. I was one of the first people to know about the pregnancy and I have always been there to help the family even when others might have declined. With the way some of the family members acted during this whole experience, I cannot help but wonder if I will ever get my chance to see him. Will he be smothered by countless family members on the field while some of us who truly care sit on the bleachers and watch him grow up? I know it is a bit early to tell but if you knew some of these people you would understand why I say these things. I guess time will tell…

Filed under: General Happenings Tagged: baby, Birth, boy, Child

“…With arms wide open…”

tmcgo510 — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 20:30:10 +0000

As I sit here in the hospital waiting room in anxious anticipation I cannot help but feel a whirlwind of emotions. Joy and excitement, just to name a few. What I wait for is the birth of a baby boy. Mine, you ask? No. Unfortunately, as much as I would love him to be mine, he is the child of a good friend. I have been in this waiting room for hours. The weird part is, I feel some emotions that do not belong. They do not fit for this particular occasion and honestly, I have felt them since the day I found out the baby was coming. One emotion is jealousy. I know that I am supposed to be happy for this friend, but at the same time I can’t shake that urge to be extremely jealous at this new miracle of life coming in a few short hours. I wish it were me sitting in the delivery room anxiously awaiting the birth, but here I sit in the waiting room. The other unwanted emotion is fear. Not fear for the parents or child, but fear for myself. I know that is an odd thing to say, but I will explain myself. This fear is a fear of exclusion. I fear that, as the whole hoard of family sits around me, I will be excluded to having a very minimal chance of being in this child’s life. Is that an inappropriate emotion or feeling for me to have? Am I wrong for feeling that way? The father of the child has told me that this won’t be the case but I still fear for this unknown ground I am about to cross. I want the opportunity to take an active part in this child’s life but I’m fearful that I could be shut out by some of the extended family on this very special day. I hope they do not think that they are the only ones bursting with excitement. Can they not see I came to sit in this waiting room for hours just like they did? Again I ask, is that selfish of me? Am I out of line? I completely understand that family most certainly has it’s place, but so do very close friends. After the grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins, who is left? That would unfortunately be me. I sit and ponder these things and I hope that I have a huge part in this child’s future. I ask myself questions like, What will he be like? Will he be cute? Smart? Funny? Athletic? All I ask is to be included.

Lastly, I will say this. When the hype dies down and everything becomes normal and routine, who will be around then? Maybe I’ll have my pass to the front of the line when that day comes….

Filed under: General Happenings, Parenting Tagged: Birth

Dead Beats…

tmcgo510 — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 13:45:00 +0000

The other night at work I had the unfortunate time of seeing a “dead beat parent”. Have you ever seen a “parent” treat their child like crap? I saw it first hand last night and it did nothing but make me angry. I saw a “parent” mock their child and make them handle a situation that no child should ever have to deal with. The poor boy, who I believe was around 8 years old, tried to show his mother a new watch that was given to him. She yelled sarcastically, “How sweet!!” I know that most children are excited when they get something new, they want to share it, especially with their “parent”, you know, the person who is supposed to take an active interest in her child’s life! Then, the child was told to help clean up his grandfather, who had just finished using the bathroom. This poor child had to go help clean his grandfather up when instead it should have been his mother in the bathroom cleaning her father up. Children should never have to worry about things like that. The only thing they should worry about is what they are having for dinner or if they are going to a friend’s house. They shouldn’t have to trouble themselves with things of the adult world. I left that call extremely angry. The sad part is, there was nothing I could do about it…

Filed under: Curiosity Killed The Cat, Parenting, Work Tagged: parenting

Gatlinburg, Tennessee

tmcgo510 — Mon, 10 Jan 2011 03:53:59 +0000

Click to view slideshow.
Here are a few pictures from my recent trip to Gatlinburg, TN!

Filed under: General Happenings Tagged: Gatlinburg, snow, Tennessee

I Want You to Want Me

tmcgo510 — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 04:20:15 +0000

Have you ever felt “under appreciated”? After my girl
friend’s family Christmas party, she and I stood outside talking
before we went our separate ways to go home. We got on a subject
that we talk about quite often, only this time I have a different
approach towards the situation. Her sister and brother-in-law have
two amazing little boys. Both my girlfriend and I love them and
would do anything in the world for those kids or their parents.
Unfortunately, it seems that lately their parents have found a
changed attitude towards us and our love for their children. Their
father seems to be in an ill mood more often than not and their
mother denies that his mood or feelings towards us have changed. As
I said earlier, we would do anything for them. We have cancelled
plans in their time of need to assist them with their children. We
pick them up from school quite frequently while both parents work.
We even ask for them when they don’t even need child care just
because we enjoy their presence that much! As much as we love those
kids like we would love our own children, we are tired of the
struggle. We love each of them so much but it is almost as if they
cannot see that. Out of the entire family we are the nicest to
them. As I said, I have gotten to the point where I will not
struggle with it anymore. My plan of action is this: withdrawal. We
don’t love then anymore or any less than normal, we just choose to
let them make the first move. The ball is in their court now. Why
should we always be the ones who initiate interaction? We show our
appreciation for them but it seems to go unnoticed. I want them to
sit back and ask themselves,”Why don’t they come around as often as
they used to?” I want them to miss us as much as we miss them. It
wasn’t always like this. They used to have a good time when we all
got together. I wish I knew what changed. Yesterday, I had the older
of the two children with me for several hours. We had such a good
time watching movies and just playing. I have to ask myself why
things cannot go back to the way they were before all the attitudes
changed? I have a lot of thoughts as to why things are now the way
they are, but I choose not to share them here because anybody can
be reading this. I just hope things will change soon. It is no fun
being with them and feeling awkward. “…Never make people a priority when they
only make you an option…”

Filed under: Curiosity Killed The Cat, General Happenings, Parenting Tagged: appreciation, love, want

New Excitement!

tmcgo510 — Tue, 14 Dec 2010 01:17:29 +0000

It has been awhile since I have had the opportunity to write, but I have recently been in the reading/writing mood, so hear goes! As you are all aware, the Christmas holiday is in FULL swing which means colorful decorations, fun parties, and Christmas plays (which is the topic of my current post)!

Last night my girlfriend and I went to a Christmas program. The title of this program was “The Bell and the Rose.” The program has been performed for its second year in a row because it was brought back by popular demand. It’s performed by the members of a rather large church in Montgomery, AL. called Frazer United Methodist Church. As for me and my friends, we call it the “mall of God”! This isn’t to make a mockery of God, it is to simply explain how gigantic this church is in size.

When we walked into the auditorium we were amazed at the elaborate set, lights, sounds, and the large church choir singing! I won’t go into the details of the play, but it is safe to say that this was the most amazing Christmas play I have seen! After the play, the person who invited us showed us around “the mall”. To be honest a church that size can feel extremely overwhelming and intimidating, but I felt welcome!

I used to be very active in church, but after a terrible split in the church congregation I parted ways with my old church. It was at that moment I saw exactly how hypocritical church people can be. I left church and have not been back since that time.

Honestly, I am a better person when I a attend church. That time is important and I miss it very much. After I left “the mall” I felt a new, fresh sense of excitement! I felt like I should give church another chance and I felt like I should test out Frazer and see if that is the church for me. I felt a strange sense of belonging there and I honestly hope that is where I feel led to stay. I have more to type on other subjects so I will end this post now. I’ll let y’all know how it goes! =-)

Filed under: Curiosity Killed The Cat, General Happenings Tagged: christmas, church

Swelling

tmcgo510 — Wed, 27 Oct 2010 02:30:31 +0000

So it’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to post a blog entry. I have been crazy busy, more busy than I really wanted to be! On August 30th I started a new job doing what I’ve been waiting to do, firefighting. I was finally hired and that Monday I hit the ground running! For those next 5 weeks I worked on my normal 24 hour on/48 hour off shift. In addition to that I was in class 5 days a week for 9 hours a day starting EMT Basic training. I’m SO glad that is over with. It has been a very long month but I did it. Today, October 26th, I sit here having completed many milestones. I passed my national registry test which means I am a certified EMT Basic! Also this month I had my 21st birthday! My birthday was October 1st and our EMT class ended September 30th. It was a great birthday present for my EMT class to end one day before my birthday! I have truly missed family and friends as well as the place I call home. It has been a weird adjustment basically living at the fire station all the time. I have been driving an ambulance for the fire department and I’ll discuss some of that in another post at a later time. It’s a dream of mine to be a career firefighter and I am finally doing just that! More to come later, right now, I’m going to bed!

Filed under: Firefighting, General Happenings, Work Tagged: Emergency Medical Technician, EMT, Firefighting